Hazrat Inayat Khan, The Art of Personality

Part III -
Character Building and the Art of Personality


THE LAW OF BENEFICENCE


Our Dealings With Our Friends

Friendship as the average person understands it is
perhaps little more than acquaintance; but in reality
it is more sacred than any other connection in the
world. To a sincere person, entering into friendship
is like entering the gates of heaven; and a visit to
his friend is a pilgrimage to a true loving friend.

When, in friendship, a thought arises, 'I will love
you as you love me,' or, 'I will do to you as you do
to me,' this takes away all the virtue of the
friendship, because it is a commercial attitude,
prevalent everywhere in the commercial world:
everything is done for a return, and measure is given
for measure. Friendship should be the contrary pole to
the practical side of life; for when a person is tired
by the selfish surroundings of the world he feels
inclined to take refuge in the love and kindness of a
sympathetic friend. But if there is a question of
selfishness in friendship, where can a soul go who is
tired and annoyed with the selfish surroundings of the
world?

Friendship is just like recreation after the toil of
the day. One can speak or be with someone who is
different from all others in life. But difficulty
arises because everyone thinks that his friend ought
to prove worthy of his ideal, and this in the end
disappoints him. For the law of beneficence teaches
this: that goodness is worthwhile which can withstand
even badness; that kindness is valuable which can
withstand tyranny. Every soul is not ready to follow
this ideal, and it depends to what extent one is
strong enough to withstand. By having an ideal and
keeping it before him, a person develops sooner or
later into that ideal.

A friendship used to carry out one's aims and objects
in life through the love and kindness of a friend is
only business. The unselfish friend is the pure one,
and it is such a friendship that will last; but a
selfish friendship will vanish. For the selfish friend
will create selfishness in the heart of his friend,
and the unselfish friend will create unselfishness in
the heart of his friend.

Everyone gets, sooner or later, what he gives, for the
heart knows the condition of the heart. Therefore,
there is no better principle than wishing good to the
friend, speaking good of the friend, doing good to the
friend, with all kindness and love; having no thought
for one moment of the friend's deserving our goodness,
kindness, or love.



OUR DEALINGS WITH OUR RELATIONS

Our love, kindness, service, and sympathy are due to
people in the world, and especially to those around
us, according to their expectation. A stranger
naturally expects less than an acquaintance; an
acquaintance expects less than a friend; and a friend,
less than relations. Therefore, these have more right
to ask for our love and service, and it is our first
duty to give it to them. It does not matter if they do
not give us the same, or if they do not prove worthy
of our ideal. It is a mistake for wise people to
expect the same from them or to expect everyone to
prove worthy of their ideal, when it is so difficult
even for ourselves to prove worthy of our own ideal.

However highly we may think of ourselves, in the end
at the examination we fail. Therefore the wise thing
would be to do all the good we can to those who expect
it from us, and especially to those who consider it
their right to expect it from us, without even
thinking whether they will return it or whether they
deserve it.

There are some who stand by their relations with
pride. Taking the part of the relation and standing by
the relation with pride is right, for this is the
first step toward human brotherhood. A person cannot
jump at once to universalism. There are some who have
a sort of natural hatred of their relations, and they
love those who have no connection with them. But they
are mistaken, for a person who cannot love his own
brother will never be able to consider another person
as a brother, because he has neglected learning his
lesson at home. Far from hating his relations, a wise
man will not even hate his enemy. By hating relations
for their unworthiness you make them more unworthy;
whereas by loving them, some day you will be able to
draw out the worthiness that you seek in them.

Harmony at home spreads out, and makes the world
harmonious for us; and inharmony at home spreads out
throughout the world, and builds an inharmonious world
for us. For instance, a person who has quarreled at
home and gone to China, and settled there to have
peace, has taken the disharmony with him to China, and
can never be at peace all his life.

However badly situated we may be in life, if we try
our best to master the situation, it is far better and
greater than wishing to change the situation, for this
is nothing but a weakness. Among relations it is so
wonderful when there is harmony between brothers and
sisters, a link of love and harmony between husband
and wife, and especially love and devotion between
parents and children. Verily, there is no greater
light than love.



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