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Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
The Bride Price: Dowry Abuse
By Amatullah Abdullah
Freelance Writer and Editor - India
www.worldofstock.com
A Woman holds a very high status in the Islamic faith. She is honored and respected at all times, but many startling transgressions have crept into Islamic practice. These transgressions have been caused by cultural influences that have no basis in Islam.
One such influence is the dowry. Muslims living on the Indian subcontinent have slowly incorporated the payment of dowry into their lives. In India, the dowry originated in the upper-caste Hindu communities as a wedding gift (cash or valuables) from the bride?s family to the groom?s family. There is nothing strange or unique about a culture influencing Muslim practice, as it is a common occurrence around the globe. There is nothing wrong with this as long as those cultural practices do not contradict Islamic law. The practice of dowry, however, does in fact transgress Islamic Law.
The Bride Price
We usually use the word gift for something that we give voluntarily to a person we like. A gift is something that strengthens the bond of friendship between two people. Dowry, which is usually defined as a ?gift? given along with the bride by a bride?s family to the bridegroom, is used as a tool of coercion and greed in societies like India. The bride?s family must give this ?gift? or the marriage will not take place. Always the price of the dowry is set higher than the bride?s family can afford, and, sadly, this results in the bride becoming a burden on her family. The bride?s family then struggles to pay the ?gift.?
In Islam, in contrast, it is the man who pays the mahr (dower) to the woman. The following verses in the Qur?an prove that it is the man who is obligated to pay the mahr to the woman unless the woman chooses not to take it.
(An-Nisaa? 4:4)
except those whom your right hands possess. (This is) Allah?s ordinance to you. And lawful for you are (all women) besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your property, taking (them) in marriage not committing fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame on you about what you mutually agree after what is appointed; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise.] (An-Nisaa? 4:24)
Dowry Deaths
Cultures that demand dowry from the bride?s family are actually practicing the opposite of what Allah has commanded. They have reversed Allah?s words in their practice. The bride is forced to pay a negotiated amount to the groom unless the man chooses not to take it. When the woman brings less than the negotiated amount, she has to endure constant torture from her in-laws after marriage. When the husband or in-laws are not satisfied with the dowry brought by the bride, they may even go so far as to kill the woman after marriage.
The most severe among all the dowry abuse is ?bride burning.? The parties engaged in the murder usually report the case as an accident or suicide.
While dowry abuse is most common among Hindus, it is rising among Muslims too. Despite the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, dowry abuse is arising in the Indian subcontinent. The Indian Ministry of Home Affairs and the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) reported 6,285 deaths in 2003. The official records always include under-reportage. For example, in Delhi, 90 percent of cases of women being burned are recorded as accidents, 5 percent as suicides, and only the remaining 5 percent are shown as murders. The statistics of dowry deaths in the whole of India is spine-chilling.
Alternatives
Many Women remain unmarried due to this dowry.
Even worse is that when Muslim men intend to honor
the mahr to their brides, it is often rejected. The Women prefer to remain unmarried rather than to marry someone who is not from their culture. Another common practice is that people ?exchange? their sons. In other words, they give a bridegroom (usually their son) to a woman to be married in exchange for a bridegroom from the woman?s family (the bride-to-be?s brother or any unmarried relative), so that they can have their daughters married without a dowry.
This places an incredible disadvantage on the parents who have daughters and no sons. The parents of the daughters have to give money to get their daughters married!
Objectify Women
It is a sad irony that women (mainly mothers-in-law) are oppressive towards other women (daughters-in-law). It is mainly the mothers-in-law-to-be who demand dowry from the bride?s family and who end up torturing the daughter-in-law after marriage if she brings less than the negotiated amount.
Syed (not his real name), aged 35, from Chennai, India said, ?It is difficult to find a bride who would be able to afford all that my mom asks. ? Because of this I am still unmarried.? When I asked his mother why she demands a dowry from the bride, she said, ?We have spent so much on our son, for his education, for raising him and now we will marry him off and most of the money he earns will go to his wife. So she will benefit from all the money we spent on him. For that they can pay an amount to have our son.?
Ahmed (not his real name), 29, from Delhi, India, said, ?I don?t want to take any dowry, but can?t stop my parents from asking, as I will disrespect them if I do so.?
So in an effort to respect parents and to conform to cultural norms, Muslim youth in India are bending over backwards to follow traditions that aren?t even rooted in Islam. Demanding a dowry and getting married may seem valid in the eyes of many, but will the marriage be validated in the eyes of Allah? If a culture contains un-Islamic practices, then one should not feel any shame in breaking those conflicting traditional practices. The practice of dowry has caused Muslims in many parts of the world to continue their prejudices against women despite the Islamic prohibitions against dowry. On the Indian sub-continent, a woman is considered to be a great burden mainly because of the dowry system. It is common to see people rejoicing over the birth of a son and lamenting over the birth of a daughter. Why aren?t people listening to the message of Islam instead of following the customs around them?
(An-Nahl 16:58-59)
Allah tells us that infanticide is a grave sin and that favoring one gender over the other has no grounds in Islam. As Muslims we should consider the birth of daughters to be a great blessing. Malik reported that Allah?s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, ?He who brings up two girls properly till they grow up, he and I will come (together) (very closely) on the Day of Resurrection,? and he interlaced his fingers (Muslim 32:6364).
Islam stressed fairness and kindness. Islam ensures that boys and girls are treated equally. It is unfortunate to see people submitting themselves to dictates of culture rather than to the will of Allah Who is our Creator, Cherisher, and Sustainer. Let us not succumb to the fitnah caused by culture and let us stand in practicing Islam by enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong.
(Aal `Imran 3:104)
___________________________________ ___________
Amatullah Abdullah is a Freelance Writer who resides in Chennai, India. Her essays have been published in India, the US and the UK.
She is the Managing Editor of IQRA Newspaper and the Secretary of the Islamic Writers Alliance.
Freelance Writer and Editor - India
www.worldofstock.com
A Woman holds a very high status in the Islamic faith. She is honored and respected at all times, but many startling transgressions have crept into Islamic practice. These transgressions have been caused by cultural influences that have no basis in Islam.
One such influence is the dowry. Muslims living on the Indian subcontinent have slowly incorporated the payment of dowry into their lives. In India, the dowry originated in the upper-caste Hindu communities as a wedding gift (cash or valuables) from the bride?s family to the groom?s family. There is nothing strange or unique about a culture influencing Muslim practice, as it is a common occurrence around the globe. There is nothing wrong with this as long as those cultural practices do not contradict Islamic law. The practice of dowry, however, does in fact transgress Islamic Law.
The Bride Price
We usually use the word gift for something that we give voluntarily to a person we like. A gift is something that strengthens the bond of friendship between two people. Dowry, which is usually defined as a ?gift? given along with the bride by a bride?s family to the bridegroom, is used as a tool of coercion and greed in societies like India. The bride?s family must give this ?gift? or the marriage will not take place. Always the price of the dowry is set higher than the bride?s family can afford, and, sadly, this results in the bride becoming a burden on her family. The bride?s family then struggles to pay the ?gift.?
In Islam, in contrast, it is the man who pays the mahr (dower) to the woman. The following verses in the Qur?an prove that it is the man who is obligated to pay the mahr to the woman unless the woman chooses not to take it.
(An-Nisaa? 4:4)
except those whom your right hands possess. (This is) Allah?s ordinance to you. And lawful for you are (all women) besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your property, taking (them) in marriage not committing fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame on you about what you mutually agree after what is appointed; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise.] (An-Nisaa? 4:24)
Dowry Deaths
Cultures that demand dowry from the bride?s family are actually practicing the opposite of what Allah has commanded. They have reversed Allah?s words in their practice. The bride is forced to pay a negotiated amount to the groom unless the man chooses not to take it. When the woman brings less than the negotiated amount, she has to endure constant torture from her in-laws after marriage. When the husband or in-laws are not satisfied with the dowry brought by the bride, they may even go so far as to kill the woman after marriage.
The most severe among all the dowry abuse is ?bride burning.? The parties engaged in the murder usually report the case as an accident or suicide.
While dowry abuse is most common among Hindus, it is rising among Muslims too. Despite the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, dowry abuse is arising in the Indian subcontinent. The Indian Ministry of Home Affairs and the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) reported 6,285 deaths in 2003. The official records always include under-reportage. For example, in Delhi, 90 percent of cases of women being burned are recorded as accidents, 5 percent as suicides, and only the remaining 5 percent are shown as murders. The statistics of dowry deaths in the whole of India is spine-chilling.
Alternatives
Many Women remain unmarried due to this dowry.
Even worse is that when Muslim men intend to honor
the mahr to their brides, it is often rejected. The Women prefer to remain unmarried rather than to marry someone who is not from their culture. Another common practice is that people ?exchange? their sons. In other words, they give a bridegroom (usually their son) to a woman to be married in exchange for a bridegroom from the woman?s family (the bride-to-be?s brother or any unmarried relative), so that they can have their daughters married without a dowry.
This places an incredible disadvantage on the parents who have daughters and no sons. The parents of the daughters have to give money to get their daughters married!
Objectify Women
It is a sad irony that women (mainly mothers-in-law) are oppressive towards other women (daughters-in-law). It is mainly the mothers-in-law-to-be who demand dowry from the bride?s family and who end up torturing the daughter-in-law after marriage if she brings less than the negotiated amount.
Syed (not his real name), aged 35, from Chennai, India said, ?It is difficult to find a bride who would be able to afford all that my mom asks. ? Because of this I am still unmarried.? When I asked his mother why she demands a dowry from the bride, she said, ?We have spent so much on our son, for his education, for raising him and now we will marry him off and most of the money he earns will go to his wife. So she will benefit from all the money we spent on him. For that they can pay an amount to have our son.?
Ahmed (not his real name), 29, from Delhi, India, said, ?I don?t want to take any dowry, but can?t stop my parents from asking, as I will disrespect them if I do so.?
So in an effort to respect parents and to conform to cultural norms, Muslim youth in India are bending over backwards to follow traditions that aren?t even rooted in Islam. Demanding a dowry and getting married may seem valid in the eyes of many, but will the marriage be validated in the eyes of Allah? If a culture contains un-Islamic practices, then one should not feel any shame in breaking those conflicting traditional practices. The practice of dowry has caused Muslims in many parts of the world to continue their prejudices against women despite the Islamic prohibitions against dowry. On the Indian sub-continent, a woman is considered to be a great burden mainly because of the dowry system. It is common to see people rejoicing over the birth of a son and lamenting over the birth of a daughter. Why aren?t people listening to the message of Islam instead of following the customs around them?
(An-Nahl 16:58-59)
Allah tells us that infanticide is a grave sin and that favoring one gender over the other has no grounds in Islam. As Muslims we should consider the birth of daughters to be a great blessing. Malik reported that Allah?s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, ?He who brings up two girls properly till they grow up, he and I will come (together) (very closely) on the Day of Resurrection,? and he interlaced his fingers (Muslim 32:6364).
Islam stressed fairness and kindness. Islam ensures that boys and girls are treated equally. It is unfortunate to see people submitting themselves to dictates of culture rather than to the will of Allah Who is our Creator, Cherisher, and Sustainer. Let us not succumb to the fitnah caused by culture and let us stand in practicing Islam by enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong.
(Aal `Imran 3:104)
___________________________________ ___________
Amatullah Abdullah is a Freelance Writer who resides in Chennai, India. Her essays have been published in India, the US and the UK.
She is the Managing Editor of IQRA Newspaper and the Secretary of the Islamic Writers Alliance.
Comments on this journal
India has a long list of legislation passed to protect the rights of Women, but activists say the laws are RARELY enforced.
Legislation banning dowries, a custom that frequently lead to women being abused by husbands and parents in-law, was passed in 1961 but is still widely flouted.
According to police records, a woman is murdered every 77 minutes as a result of dowry-related issues.
Sati -- the custom of burning widows alive along with the bodies of their deceased husbands -- was outlawed in 1987 but rare cases still occur in parts of rural India.
Women struggle to find place in modern India
Amongst those Women are not only the Hindu but the Muslims Women victim of domestic violence, raped and too scared to report those crimes.
www.womenone.org
India has a long list of legislation passed to protect the rights of Women, but activists say the laws are RARELY enforced.
Legislation banning dowries, a custom that frequently lead to women being abused by husbands and parents in-law, was passed in 1961 but is still widely flouted.
According to police records, a woman is murdered every 77 minutes as a result of dowry-related issues.
Sati -- the custom of burning widows alive along with the bodies of their deceased husbands -- was outlawed in 1987 but rare cases still occur in parts of rural India.
Women struggle to find place in modern India
Amongst those Women are not only the Hindu but the Muslims Women victim of domestic violence, raped and too scared to report those crimes
www.womenone.org
I noticed that people nowadays are increasing the mahr (dowry) for marriage a great deal.
Is this Sunnah? Does sharee?ah stipulate a certain limit for the mahr that should not be overstepped?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Marriage is one of the blessings of Allaah, and one of His signs. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
?And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect?
Allaah commanded guardians to arrange marriages for those who are under their care, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
?And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures? needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)?
That is because of the great interests that are served by marriage, such as increasing the numbers of the ummah, and causing the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to feel proud before the other Prophets, and protecting both husband and wife from falling into haraam? and other great benefits.
But some guardians (walis) put obstacles in the way of marriage, which prevented those under their care from getting married in many cases.
That is because they exaggerate concerning the mahr, and demand huge dowries which a young man who wants to get married cannot afford, until marriage becomes something extremely difficult for many of those who want to get married.
The mahr is a right that is given to the woman, as enjoined by Islamic sharee?ah, as an expression of the man?s desire to marry her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
?And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart?
This does not mean that the woman is a product to be sold, rather it is a symbol of honour and respect, and a sign that the husband is willing to shoulder his responsibilities and fulfil his duties.
Sharee?ah does not stipulate a certain limit for the mahr that should not be overstepped, but it does encourage reducing the mahr and keeping it simple.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ?The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.? Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami?, 3300.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ?The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).? Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami?, 3279.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man who wanted to get married: ?Look (for something to give as a dowry), even if it is a ring of iron.? Agreed upon.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) set the highest example for his ummah in that regard, so that a clear understanding of the basic principles would be implanted in society, and a spirit of simplicity would spread among the people.
Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa?i (3375) narrated from Ibn ?Abbaas that ?Ali said: ?I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: ?O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.? He said: ?Give her something.? I said: ?I do not have anything.? He said: ?Where is your Hutami shield?? I said, ?I have it with me.? He said, ?Give it to her.?? Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa?i, 3160.
This was the mahr of Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the leader of the women of Paradise.
This reinforces the fact that in Islam, the mahr is not something that is sought for its own sake.
Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ?Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ?Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ?You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship?.? Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.
?Do not go to extremes? means do not exaggerate in increasing the dowry. ?A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her? means, until he begins to hate her when he is still paying off the debts incurred because of this mahr because it is too hard for him, or whenever he thinks about the matter.
From Haashiyat al-Sindi ?ala Ibn Maajah.
Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, i.e., approximately 135 silver riyals (134.4). This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Shaykh al-Islam said in Majmoo? al-Fataawa, 32/194:
Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter?s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given ? when they were the best women in this world in all aspects ? is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.
He also said in al-Fataawa al-Kubra:
The words of Imam Ahmad according to the report of Hanbal imply that it is mustahabb for the dowry to be four hundred dirhams. This is the correct view in cases where the man can afford it. It is mustahabb to pay this amount and no more.
In Zaad al-Ma?aad (5/178), Ibn al-Qayyim quoted some of the ahaadeeth that indicate that the mahr should be reduced and that there is no minimum amount. Then he said:
These ahaadeeth indicate that there is no minimum amount for the mahr? and that exaggerating concerning the mahr is makrooh, and that it reduces its barakah (blessing). End quote.
Hence it is clear that what people do nowadays, increasing the mahr and exaggerating concerning it, is something that goes against the sharee?ah.
The wisdom behind reducing the mahr and not increasing it is quote clear:
This makes it easier for people to get married, so that they will not be diverted from it, which will result in all kinds of moral and social corruption.
Taken from islam-qa.com
As we can read from this JE that too many parents take advantages of the dowry. They take too much liberty. They are proned to put more pressure on their children and overcontrol them. This is really sad that those greedy parents disrespect and refute Allah's command.
Dowry or dower, the tradition of the groom's parents giving money or gifts to the bride's family is still common practice in large parts of South Asia, Asia, Africa. Dowry is an integral part of the muslim culture.
Traditionalists argue that it is a gesture of appreciation. In Zambia, for ie families have been known to sue if the dowry is not paid. In Kenya however, young women say they are fed up with "having a price on their heads".
I feel sometimes that the parents have way too much control over their kids and take advantage of it. They are not the ones they will have to answer to on judgement day.
This is bordering on shirk, as if it were ok to disrespect Allah, by ignoring His command in favor of the command of his parents.