Village Journals
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
So you are thinking of getting married
By Idris Tariq
There are two very important things which we can apply to any aspect of our lives, but which are especially important when we are thinking about marriage:
the need to be Honest about who you are and the need to be Realistic about what you expect. When these major factors are kept in mind, all the other things seem to fit more naturally into place.
So, first of all be honest about who you are, both to yourself and the one you will marry. We can all fool a lot of people because they don?t really know us all that well, but when you get married you will spend almost all your time with your husband or wife and they will get to know you inside out. Right from the start, you must let your intended spouse, the one you are going to marry, know about you.
Tell your fianc?(e) who you really are and what you are like. Maybe you are a bit bad-tempered or a bit impatient. Maybe you can?t cook! The two of you, inshallah, are going to spend many happy years together, so prepare the ground well. Tell each other about your strengths and your weaknesses. If the culture you live in makes telling the other person too difficult, then just be honest with yourself about who you are. If you are bad-tempered, what are you going to do now to make sure this doesn?t cause a problem in your marriage? If you know you can?t cook, why not buy a recipe book!
As well as being honest, you must also be realistic. You are not going to marry Superman or Miss World. Inshallah, you will love each other very much, but don?t put your spouse on such a pedestal that they find it impossible to live up to. You are both very ordinary human beings, a man and woman made by Allah, and you will both have to work very hard accepting each other?s limitations. Be prepared to help each other. Be prepared to try hard to make the marriage work. Don?t storm off and go out with your mates the first time the dinner gets burned. Don?t run home to mum after the first argument. Laugh together when you make mistakes. Support each other in building your marriage. You will be man and wife. Your religion will be made complete by the other person in your life. Inshallah, you will be blessed with children who will love and respect you. So, prepare well.
It does no harm to talk to others about what getting married involves. Parents are the obvious ones to talk to, but if you feel shy or embarrassed talking to parents, or there is something you feel you can?t ask them, talk to another adult. Sometimes, friends of your own age might pretend to know the answers when really they don?t. If, for example, you don?t know much about sex, then talk to an adult you can trust. You can even speak to a good Muslim counselor over the internet if that helps. The important thing is not to be afraid to ask. When the marriage contract has been signed, don?t set off together to your new home not knowing how you are going to live your lives.
Remember, also, that it is you who is getting married, not your mum or your uncle Ahmed. They can help a lot talking about their own marriages, but at the end of the day your marriage will be special to you and your spouse. What works for others might not work for you both.
There are two very important things which we can apply to any aspect of our lives, but which are especially important when we are thinking about marriage:
the need to be Honest about who you are and the need to be Realistic about what you expect. When these major factors are kept in mind, all the other things seem to fit more naturally into place.
So, first of all be honest about who you are, both to yourself and the one you will marry. We can all fool a lot of people because they don?t really know us all that well, but when you get married you will spend almost all your time with your husband or wife and they will get to know you inside out. Right from the start, you must let your intended spouse, the one you are going to marry, know about you.
Tell your fianc?(e) who you really are and what you are like. Maybe you are a bit bad-tempered or a bit impatient. Maybe you can?t cook! The two of you, inshallah, are going to spend many happy years together, so prepare the ground well. Tell each other about your strengths and your weaknesses. If the culture you live in makes telling the other person too difficult, then just be honest with yourself about who you are. If you are bad-tempered, what are you going to do now to make sure this doesn?t cause a problem in your marriage? If you know you can?t cook, why not buy a recipe book!
As well as being honest, you must also be realistic. You are not going to marry Superman or Miss World. Inshallah, you will love each other very much, but don?t put your spouse on such a pedestal that they find it impossible to live up to. You are both very ordinary human beings, a man and woman made by Allah, and you will both have to work very hard accepting each other?s limitations. Be prepared to help each other. Be prepared to try hard to make the marriage work. Don?t storm off and go out with your mates the first time the dinner gets burned. Don?t run home to mum after the first argument. Laugh together when you make mistakes. Support each other in building your marriage. You will be man and wife. Your religion will be made complete by the other person in your life. Inshallah, you will be blessed with children who will love and respect you. So, prepare well.
It does no harm to talk to others about what getting married involves. Parents are the obvious ones to talk to, but if you feel shy or embarrassed talking to parents, or there is something you feel you can?t ask them, talk to another adult. Sometimes, friends of your own age might pretend to know the answers when really they don?t. If, for example, you don?t know much about sex, then talk to an adult you can trust. You can even speak to a good Muslim counselor over the internet if that helps. The important thing is not to be afraid to ask. When the marriage contract has been signed, don?t set off together to your new home not knowing how you are going to live your lives.
Remember, also, that it is you who is getting married, not your mum or your uncle Ahmed. They can help a lot talking about their own marriages, but at the end of the day your marriage will be special to you and your spouse. What works for others might not work for you both.