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Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family
Many men that I have conversed with are quick to point out that a husband is the head (imam/leader) of a marital relationship/family. So quick in fact that it makes me sometimes wonder what self-esteem issues are they dealing with here....(but that might just be me being me). They highlight that the husband has the final say. And also emphasise that in the end, if the husband is not asking the wife to do anything haraam (forbidden in Islam) its her duty to obey him and respect and accept his decision. My gut instinct tells me that its not fair. Some people have branded me a feminist for having such feelings others have given me the impression that there's something wrong with me and that maybe I should stop considering muslim men until I'm willing to be "moulded".
My questions are as follows:
How does a couple/family make decisions? Who is required to be consulted if anyone? Can one partner make a decision for the other persons life even if the other person has expressed unhappiness about that decision if it was made? How important is making win-win decisions in muslim marriage? and what's the best way of making those decisions?
What leadership rights does Islam give to husbands and wives, if any, in the context of the family/marital relationship? Which verses of the qur'an and Hadith support this? What constitutes a good leader?
Given that marriage, as an institution, represents a microcosm of what is in fact happening in the broader (or macro) social and cultural lives of Muslim society and the world, how does the answers to the above questions translate to what is happening in wider society. Basically what are the long-term consequences of the actions taken based on the answers to the above questions?
Links to literature, video, audio would be much appreciated...:)
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Related journal(s)
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - Personal Journal - Ua120 www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/member-article-details.php?aid=132520&uid=41044588410238&isFriend=True&isFwd=True )
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - THINKVILLE village www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/villages/journal-detail.php?aid=62968&vlID=1251 )
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - Soulmates village www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/villages/journal-detail.php?aid=62967&vlID=660 )
My questions are as follows:
How does a couple/family make decisions? Who is required to be consulted if anyone? Can one partner make a decision for the other persons life even if the other person has expressed unhappiness about that decision if it was made? How important is making win-win decisions in muslim marriage? and what's the best way of making those decisions?
What leadership rights does Islam give to husbands and wives, if any, in the context of the family/marital relationship? Which verses of the qur'an and Hadith support this? What constitutes a good leader?
Given that marriage, as an institution, represents a microcosm of what is in fact happening in the broader (or macro) social and cultural lives of Muslim society and the world, how does the answers to the above questions translate to what is happening in wider society. Basically what are the long-term consequences of the actions taken based on the answers to the above questions?
Links to literature, video, audio would be much appreciated...:)
*********************************** ***********
Related journal(s)
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - Personal Journal - Ua120 www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/member-article-details.php?aid=132520&uid=41044588410238&isFriend=True&isFwd=True )
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - THINKVILLE village www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/villages/journal-detail.php?aid=62968&vlID=1251 )
Leadership in the Context of Marriage/Family - Soulmates village www5.naseeb.com ( www5.naseeb.com/villages/journal-detail.php?aid=62967&vlID=660 )
Comments on this journal
I think Islam calls for a cooperative marriage between a man and woman, with the final say in the hands of the party carrying responsibility for the family's well being (the husband). Husbands who do not provide for their family financially should rectify that deficiency and women unable to live with the husband making the decisions may remain unmarried.
If you ask most couples that have been married for a long time, they will tell you that a boring marriage is a good marriage... :)
Peace
By the way, never heard the pear-shaped expression before. People in Britain have the best sayings...
The men are made responsible for the women, ** and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.
*4:34 God prohibits wife-beating by using the best psychological approach. For example, if I don't want you to shop at Market X, I will ask you to shop at Market Y, then at Market Z, then, as a last resort, at Market X. This will effectively stop you from shopping at Market X, without insulting you. Similarly, God provides alternatives to wife-beating; reasoning with her first, then employing certain negative incentives. Remember that the theme of this sura is defending the women's rights and countering the prevalent oppression of women. Any interpretation of the verses of this sura must be in favor of the women. This sura's theme is "protection of women."
**4:34 This expression simply means that God is appointing the husband as "captain of the ship." Marriage is like a ship, and the captain runs it after due consultation with his officers. A believing wife readily accepts God's appointment, without mutiny.
"Thus righteous women are obedient and guard the right's of men in their absence under Allah's protection"
(Qur'an 4:34)
Any thoughts?
To answer your questions (using my Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide (Amana Publications, 2003) book):
From Surat Al Baqarah, we are told: "And women have the same right as the duty they have to fulfill according to what is equitable". The verse goes on to indicate that men have an extra degree over them. This implies added responsibility for the financial well being of the family and as such, they are given the right to make the final decision AFTER consulting their wives. They go on to emphasize the team nature of the interaction and try to remove the emphasis from what husbands or wives have to do in the marriage.
Beyond beating the notion of respect, kindness, and compassion between spouses to death, they also talk about Qawamah ( the responsibility to maintain, protect, and provide for the family) a good amount. They mention that many people take this concept to extremes: men bossing their wives around or women refusing to recognise the husband's status in the marriage. Two verses from the Quran are cited, without a mention of where they are:
"If they (husband and wife) desire to wean the child by mutual consent and after consultation, there is no blame on them..."
"Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than the latter and with what they may spend out of their possessions."
They emphasize that it is more a matter of division of labor and role differentiation than expressing superiority of one gender over another.
Given the diametrically opposed ideas that men and women have about roles in marriage, I can only imagine that less people will marry and more will divorce unless something is done. That something would ideally be educating people on how Muslim marriage should be conducted, but matching like-minded people with one another could help as well. If the problem is not fixed, either Muslims will stop procreating or begin to resort to having children out of wedlock as has become normal for many non-Muslims.