Village Journals
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Joke for today
No Extras!
A married couple goes into a dentist?s office. The husband is in a big hurry. He says, ?No expensive extras, Doc. No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.?
?I wish more of my patients were as brave as you,? the dentist says. ?Now, which tooth is it??
The husband turns to his wife and says, ?Show him your tooth, honey.?
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What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”
A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything."
"Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband.
"No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him," she said.
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband.
"Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
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Bank Teller
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
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I'm A Lawyer
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
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Blonde Bashing
Q- What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A- Pregnant!
Q- What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A- Locking the car door.
Q- What's the definition of eternity?
A- Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.
Q- What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A- Nothing. They've never met.
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Relationship Advice
A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I actually did once."
"And how did your husband look?"
"Angry, very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at us!"
----------------------------------- ---------------------------
A married couple goes into a dentist?s office. The husband is in a big hurry. He says, ?No expensive extras, Doc. No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.?
?I wish more of my patients were as brave as you,? the dentist says. ?Now, which tooth is it??
The husband turns to his wife and says, ?Show him your tooth, honey.?
----------------------------------- ----------------------------
What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”
A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything."
"Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband.
"No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him," she said.
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband.
"Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
----------------------------------- -----------------------
Bank Teller
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
----------------------------------- --------------------------
I'm A Lawyer
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
----------------------------------- ---------------------------
Blonde Bashing
Q- What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A- Pregnant!
Q- What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A- Locking the car door.
Q- What's the definition of eternity?
A- Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.
Q- What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A- Nothing. They've never met.
----------------------------------- --------------------------
Relationship Advice
A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I actually did once."
"And how did your husband look?"
"Angry, very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at us!"
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