I found Allah on Wednesday morn, 8/31/05, speaking to me at the Black Rock Desert in Nevada, USA. I returned a changed man from Burning Man. This article has grown to become the story of my experience. I am beginning it from the desert event itself, and not the miraculous events that led me there..

Oh yeah, Allah told me that you would say what you are about to say... so go ahead. You may even ask when I was told this. Now here's where the limitation of language comes in:

I have to ask you to read the previous article I wrote (What Makes me Superman - Part II) because that describes an incident of time coming to a standstill, while my thoughts raged in infinite directions. Or maybe it was my conscious mind getting pulled out of time itself, which is why I saw myself traveling back and forth along the strands that make up my history and potential future(s!). It is a scientific argument, and if you read it, you'll know where I am coming from. This experience occurred when my parachute refused to open on my first sky-dive, but I digress. Something similar happened this time, though without any externally influencing factors. I was in a sufi raqs, dancing my heart out through the night, after having seen masterful firespinners do wonders with staffs and chains and poi (*with fire on the outer ends*) and all of a sudden I was reminded of a chain letter I was sent by my cousin just before I came out to Burning Man. This one wasn't as bad, and merely said "Read the aayaat of the Quran in EVERYTHING, say the Salaat everywhere and convey this message to 7 other people." I didn't do the conveying, but the message conveyed to me went to good effect.

Now until this time I had been dancing like the whirling dervishes, going round and round for hours, literally. I used to do this as a child too, but then my mom stopped me, saying "don't be crazy". But no mom here, so I did what I pleased! And the state I was in, singing "Al-Hamd" and combinations of Allah's Names with Bism Allah ir Rahmaan ar Raheem like shown below**, was quite close to ecstatic. (Though I should mention that I do not believe in the drug ecstacy and did not indulge in any such thing.)

This realization arrived like an opening door in the vista before me. Out on the vast desert floor, I stopped dancing, walked out to face the expanse of the Playa, and actually did tayyammum with the sand/air. Then I said my third Azaan so far (this was Faj'r time on Wednesday morning.) I couldn't help but hearing the music as I was saying the azaan and strangely, the music was simply continuing in me the trance-like state that I was previously in. If someone saw me, they might even have said that I was swaying to the music, though to me, the music - indeed the universe - was swaying to the beat of my drum: My Beating Heart.

You really can't have any idea how beautiful it was for me to just stand there, facing the first light of day, and continue a prayer through trance-heart-song, all the way through sun-rise.. It took a long time, and the inner conversation that took place was more than anything I can ever encapsulate in any piece of writing. (I might yet try.)

I saw so much I needed to see. Learned that I needed to let go (this regarding more than just my then current divorce) and the lesson of the event, "To Gain Release By Letting Go", became one of the profound treasures I brought back from BurningMan. Asked Allah's help to enable me to let go of the things I am clinging to. Like the semblance of family life, since my divine children were being torn from me. Acknowledged that I would allow myself to let go of everything - money, friends, possessions, everything but then realized the futility of the whole argument.

I couldn't let go of Love. So I found that I was already fallible over my best intentions: I couldn't let go of the love of my daughter, the excitement of my son, or the desire to _KNOW_ Allah as the dearest Awliya do.. I couldn't let go of Allah, yet that's what the white rabbit was telling me: "Let go, if you desire to have what you are not letting go of!"

Yet I couldn't let go of the desire to know Allah. And I stood in my limitation, extending my dua-e-Qunoot through the changing music and the changing emotional states that engulfed my persona. I cried in my limitation when I realized the magnitude of what Ali KAW meant when he said "I found Allah in the breaking down of my intentions and the changing of my plans." Here I was, begging Allah's help in enabling me to let go of what binds me to this ethereal plane, and in the same breath I was admitting that I couldn't possibly go through with the _same_ intention, as I did not see a way around the obstacle my own mind had constructed.. I cried and cried until I had no more tears, and mind you, that is a very real state in a dehydrating desert, when the risen sun is getting hotter by the moment..

But this wasn't all.. there's more, which shows up here as the continuation of the conversation that took place when I mistakenly walked into the Kachak practice (Monkey Chant - holy dance - quoted below at **). But I will continue that at another time. (It was an african drum / regulated-breathing class which my heart was called to on my walk back to my camp.. the WinkingLotus temple space.) I was literally called/invited by the drums, as my own heart was still drumming to wild abandon.. and there came the next vision/experience**. Yet I feel so limited in my ability to paint the true picture of what I saw and experienced... I guess I'll have to count on others' feedback to let me know if they are capable of accompanying me on the trip that I am trying to preserve here.. if only I knew.. yet even this is merely the intention playing itself out. Who is to know, except The Knower, The Wise, whether this intention is meant to actuate or not?

And there will yet be those who will try to tell me that BurningMan is nothing but debauchery with sins abounding. Ha! To those I say "Welcome to your knowledge of sin and debaughery, kin!" Shamelessness is everywhere, especially in our world of now. But a collection of men and women of Allah of this calibre is hard to find too often.. To me BurningMan was a mystical experience - and I have begun to say that "Burning Man is to every single one WHAT THEY GO THERE SEEKING." I found Allah because I went there with that resolute intention. Proof enough of the Law of Attraction. Life indeed is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Was Salaam.

Z
e
o

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**
My eternal Hamd-song
**

Bism Allah ir Rahmaan ar Raheem ar Razzaq
Bism Allah ir Rahmaan ar Raheem al Kareem
Ya Allah ya Azeem al Aleem al Haleem -
Ya Ali ar Rahmaan ar Raheem al Hakeem..


*varies per iteration - you are welcome to improvise for your self..*

Here is where I will continue the Kachak experience / African Drum call / Ommm Song.
I had walked into the class late, so I didn't know the rules and when the people started breathing audibly to the beat, I found the sound akin to drumming and I started reciprocating - by singing the drum beat - with my voice. The message morphed from mere sounds to a Qawwali (above and continued somewhat on my Naseeb.com journals,) to a Bhajan where I sang to Allah in the name WahiGuru. That is what sikh's call Allah - The One Guru, The Guru That IS, The Teacher, The One. I sang to that name, and cried as I've cried through every bhajan I have ever sat through - four so far.

From there the song changed somewhat. The music had stopped suddenly when the crowd was getting ecstatic, and I was shaken to hear people crying all around me. We were all blindfolded, so the feeling was truly unaffected by any external appearance. But those sobs were contagious. I cried, as did many around in my circle. (There must've been 4 or 6 circles, it was a large yoga tent of the Heebe Jeebe Healers.) The music began again, and this time the song came through me in straight urdu, which I attempted to sing in english. But the need of my true nature to manifest itself was so strong, that even though I was singing the message - as mere words - in English, my body was performing the Katha Kali - classical Indian dance. I have never done it before. Have barely seen it done - ever! Yet I was masterfully enjoying it so much@@ It was Kathakali-Trance fusion with a bit of Abbas thrown in for good measure!

I know the instructor/guide was watching, as were a few elders sitting with the sound equipment. At the end of the class, I saw that there was a large crowd gathered outside, not willing to disperse. Which is why I sat in that space for hours, and meditated afterwards. And they left me alone. There was a shared knowledge there, divine and sublime, and so joyous to be present in!! I love that space!

The message that came out is what intrigues me to this day. The space in which this message came I have called God-Space - AS ALLAH WAS THERE. Allah was either speaking into my heart, or Allah was speaking through me, or I was in connection with powers higher than my capacity to convey in mere words.. (except for those who Understand! Yaay! I love you, you who are reading this far into this message. I love you, and I know you love me, and this message is not my message: It is OURS!) The message came as single words per stanza (or set) of music (every 8 beats or 16 beats a new word would come.) The final stanza is what I remember clearly, others will come in time. When I said this, there were people who literally lost their breathing control / voice-drumming and broke out laughing/gasping/wailing! The words came with divine reverence to the word Guru, Who had already been Divinely sung to earlier. The words were these:

I - (BOOM BOOM)
U - (BOOM BOOM)
WE - (BOOM BOOM)
ME - (BOOM BOOM)

We are
Teacher,
We are
Guru.

I !
U !
WE !
ME !

We ARE
Teacher ..!
Waaaa'HI
Guuuuru!!